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Quigley
Q U I G L E Y Q U I G L E Y- This is him, folks. The weasel. The myth. The legendary ender of humanity. Professor Quigley. Does he care if you know about his past? No. But he will have to kill you. Does he care if you know that he exterminated a village of innocent people and used their homes as material to build his school? No, but he will have to kill you for that also. He doesn't care about anything you do to him, because you CAN'T do anything to this guy. He just might be immortal. The reasons for this are not yet known. Scientists once tried to take a sample of his DNA by sedation. Those scientists were never found again. It is also said that this immortality has also gifted him with a vast sea of knowledge only he has access to. He knows so much stuff that it could make the Library of Alexandria wet itself. He knows every single language that there has ever been, and can speak all of them fluently. He is a master of combat. It is said that he knows basically every single style of combat known to man and weasel kind. He knows basically every single skill that has ever graced the minds of humans. He could have the potential to have so much history stored in that one, small, and psychotic brain of Professor Quigley. It is often referenced in ancient texts that Professor Quigley is to be the one to end the world. The world's ignorance of such power would lead to their demise as he would use his vast sea of powers to end all life on earth and claim the planet as his own. However, there could be a more terrifying outcome. He could use his knowledge to go beyond this planet and start to colonize other planets with his political allies. What if humanity never reaches the stars, and we are beaten by a weasel that uses coagulated blood and spinal fluid as a shampoo(that's why his hair is red). What if humanity was meant to conquer the Observable Universe, but we never reach our destiny. We would have won the technological war, but at what cost? It was mentioned earlier that there are allies of Professor Quigley, and that is true. Although, they don't quite operate that way. They only seem to serve out of fear. I mean, he does rip their spines out and strangle them and beat them with that spine until they bleed out when they can no longer serve him. The kind of people that serve Professor Quigley has the mental capacity of a nutter butter and have such a deep desire to make the world decay it would make Logan Paul blush. They all serve under his extreme government, called the QRR, or the Quigley's Resistance Raiders. His army number to about 100 million currently, and is mostly consisted of individuals forced to serve or mercenaries. His servants are not in the way of tactical thinking. Thankfully, or, unthankfully, they don't need to be. Professor Quigley has all the smarts they would ever need. It's the proficiency at which they can cause destruction and death that they shine. They are equipped with tactical armor, sporting the group's logo, which is just his face. Very original. They also have tactical guns equipped to counter the opponent that they may face in any given situation. They are also given a free Leapfrog LeapPad Academy Kids' Learning Tablet so that they can learn on the go. It won't do much, but it's a weasel hell-bent on bringing the earth to its knees, so I guess it makes sense. Humanity is currently working on trying to stop this beast from ending the world. NATO has been taken into action because of the first attack on them a while back. We will talk about that later. However, several NATO nations have already fallen to the Quigley and his group. These include Latvia, Lithuania, Greece, Poland, Estonia, Bulgaria, and Hungary. Turkey is currently holding out against multiple strikes, but it is said they only have a few more months to survive. Quigley mainly operates in Russia, because of his ability the coarse the government to do his bidding. If we include Russia, then Professor Quigley already has claimed about just less than 9% of the planet. He is slowly yet steadily conquering the known world. No other nation has formally agreed to be allied with him, but with his rapid ascent in power only time will tell what happens next. The history of Professor Quigley is a strange one, as he has partaken in the entirety of human history, and has possibly existed for the entirety of Earth's history. It is not known of his origin. Not even Professor Quigley knows how he was created. It's just assumed that he is God's unfinished creation, kind of like smash melee fox except worse, or he came on a meteor. We will take this from the perspective of evolution for simplicity. By the time he was on earth though, he was just an infant(in terms of knowledge), so he just kinda hanged out on earth, probably just vibing with primitive bacteria and other single-cell organisms. During the Cambrian Explosion, he had far more biomass to feed on, helping him develop and grow exponentially. By the time life reached land, he started to learn more about his environment. His mental capabilities were good, but that's about it. It's like a dog. You know they are smart sometimes because they fetch and whatnot, but that's about it. He started to hunt primitive fish and land creatures but was limited due to his poor eyesight and his lack of dexterity. After this event, the first of a few extinction events took place, known as the Great Dying, because stuff died. But not Professor Quigley. He stuck it out and just hoped for the best, even though he was being pelted my burning magma and meteors for several years. See what happens when you have a positive attitude kids? Anyway, he survived the event, no surprise there. The rest of the earth's history up until the dinosaurs is kinda a bore. The earth might have turned into a snowball now and again, in which case he just burrowed. Casually skipping a couple of billion years we reach the dinosaurs. Professor Quigley by this time had a massive amount of Intelligence. He was about as smart as a human by this time, and he began to survive as a prehistoric man would have. He made some pointy things to make sure that dinosaurs' pointy things don't damage him. He acted so much like a human that it is theorized that he was supposed to be a species of his own, but they might have died early on, and Quigley was the last survivor of his species. Pretty strange considering that Quigly could survive an extinction event that wiped out 95% of life by just being happy and the rest of his 'race' just died because of reasons. Moving on, a few things happened in the dinosaur's reign of the planet. It was mostly Quigley surviving for about 200 million years. One thing to note is some fossils discovered near where is was theorized Quigley lived in. Some found holes in their bones, mostly found in the forearms and some in the head. This is puzzling because we have no idea why those holes are there. Did Quigley put them there? And if so, why? Did he try to feed on the bone marrow? Is this an early sign of his sadistic torture? Is this an attempt to tame the beats? However, Quigley would have no need to worry about surviving against dinosaurs anymore, because he now was going to have to survive his next extinction event. It is not known how he survived the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs, but with his intelligence by this point, it is assumed that Quigley burrowed into the earth until he reached magma. He knew that he could survive it, and he had no other option at that time. He was kinda like Kars at the end of Jojo season 2, so he just kinda was an ultimate being that was immune to magma now. He stayed under there for about 10 million years, and he finally emerged back onto the surface of the planet to find that life had bounced back. He continued to live on Earth peacefully for the next few dozen million years. Pangea started to drift apart, on which Quigley remained in the Old World. He always found trees to climb, flowers to smell, fauna to torture. It was great. It WAS great until he started to notice a new species form that was unlike any other. It challenged all assumptions he had about life beforehand, and he knew, he had a great rival to fight for the planet. It was ducks. He proceeded to murder the ducks and continue his life. This continued until he met life that truly challenged him. It was humanity. They started making fire, metal tools, farming equipment, and society(cue bill wurtz jingle). Quigley knew he couldn't take on these humans by himself. He knew he could probably survive their attacks, but if captured, he could possibly be eternally tortured. He knew all of the possibilities, and he decided to do something cunning. He had a dastardly cycle to make sure he survived, and that he could influence a government. He used his billions of years of knowledge to create costumes of humans, and attempt to gain their trust. Then, after he gains power, he wages war on a rival nation. Humans die, the economy crashes, more humans die, things get worse, and so the cycle continues. When the human he plays at dies, he is buried, and when everyone leaves, he breaks out of the coffin, makes a new costume to continue to split human civilization.This section is already so hecking long so I'll simplify each human era by the actions of Quigley. Bronze age- He allowed for the rapid ascent of society but also helped crash almost every big empire. Iron Age- Greece was being chonkey in the economy so he moved there to deceive the government to fight Persia. After that, he moved to western Europe. Middle Ages- He helped nations conquer more land to boost the economy and bolster the military of many nations in an era. Early Modern Period- He kinda fell back for a bit and let modern civilization rise ton develop new amazing technology. However, this was to create deadlier weapons in the end, not progress as a whole. Nineteenth-Century- He deceived Germany many times to fight European powers. It is not confirmed but he might have played Hitler or even Otto Van Bismark. After that, he was going to try and make the U.S. and the Soviet Union fight each other. But, even he knew that it would mean the end of the world, so he stopped. And now we reach modern times. To be honest, we might have never known about the existence of Professor Quigley. He could have continued to disguise himself as a human for the foreseeable future of humanity. However, he got lazy. Even though he is the smarted entity in the galaxy, he got lazy when it came to his costume. he forgot to put fake blood in it now and again. He went out of his burial sooner and sooner. Eventually, it caught up to him. In the summer of 2018 when Putin was being escorted out from Moscow, and an assassination attempt on his life was made. Several sniper rounds repeatedly hit Putin in the chest, arms, legs, and head. He should have been as good as dead by then, but for some reason, something was up. He not bleeding a bit, no visible pain on the face of Putin, he just stared blankly. He then collapsed onto the ground and continued to stare. When doctors arrived, they cut him open in front of a large crowd that had gathered at the sight. As they sliced through the abdomen, a tuff of red hair stuck out. The crowd was shocked to see what had happened. "Did he swallow a troll doll?" asked an old man. "Shut up boomer." said literally everyone at once. The doctors continued to cut him open, but they began to slow down, and then as they were about to reach the neck, the doctors dropped their tools and stepped back. Before the crowd could react, a creature came out of Putin's body and attacked the doctors. The crowd ran away in fear, as the creature proceeded to rip one of the doctor's head's off, and threw it at the other doctor, knocking him out. A bit extreme to rip a head off to knock out a dude, but whatever. It was Quigley, and he knew that everyone knew his identity now. He knew his goal was to destroy humanity, so with the president of Russia dead, he knew he had to gain influence over Russia and take over the World. He entered Moscow and demanded that he be the ruler of Russia. Several guards tried to stop him. I don't think I need to tell you what happened to them. After a few hours of intense shouting and government people crying, they allowed Quigley to rule the government, making him the ultimate ruler of Russia. He announced his presence to the entire world in a broadcast message. It's just your typical "Join me or die blah blah blah." No one believed him though, except for a few Russian people. In response, he invaded Latvia and started attacking it. A week after this incident, NATO comes together to agree to take down Quigley's new government. And with that, is the overly long back story to Professor Quigley. In conclusion, I think we all have something to learn here. Do you know in movies where we talk about the deep themes of human conflict? You know you it's just 'human nature'? Turns out human nature is some ugly weasel that is 4 billion years old. This is garbo. Can we go back to a Pre-Quigley Era? Because my taxes are rising excessively and the IRS is getting harder on me. Can we just stop Professor Quigley like just PLEASE JUST STOP HIM PLEASE